


the four horsemen

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 18:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20262388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	the four horsemen

The four horsemen (also known as the four horsepersons of the apocalypse) weren’t your ordinary occult forces, no, they are much more powerful than your average demon.

They are burdened with glorious purpose - to bring about the end times. 

It is stated that, four tokens will be delivered when the end is nigh.* A common misconception is that the four horsemen begin the apocalypse - this false. They simply follow the antichrist leading the final battle between Heaven and Hell. That doesn’t mean however, that the four horsemen are unimportant or just soldiers in the celestial war. 

Their occupation: mass destruction of planet earth and all of God’s creations (whilst they wait for Armageddon of course).

_ *It is uncertain who will deliver these four tokens as Hell liked to outsource nowadays.  _

—————————————————————————————-

If you were to ask which horseperson came first, War would be the first to answer that it was her - a typical Aries.

War often appears as a beautiful redheaded woman. Her luscious locks the colour of deep red blood contrasting starkly against her porcelain skin. She would almost look human if it wasn’t for her fiery orange eyes and an aura that was enticingly dangerous.

War has the ability to make herself irresistible to those around her, turning minor conflict into full blown violence in a heartbeat. War loves it best when men die in battle whilst fighting for her affections - not that her affections could be won that easily. 

War’s token is the flaming sword, for those of you who remember formerly belonged to the angel Aziraphale. It is unclear how the flaming sword came into War’s hands over the course of history but it rather is quite fitting. 

An average day for War, consists of waking up (not that occult forces need to sleep, but War enjoys resting in a traditional bed as she finds the human form quite tedious to lug around), putting on her favourite no. 5 red lipstick in the shade of fresh blood, and sliding on her favourite leather jacket from the 90s (time doesn’t work in a linear sense for the four horsemen and sometimes they can be seen wearing timeless pieces thousands of years before they’re made, they also have the ability to shapeshift into whatever form they please). 

World War II might have been in War’s top ten greatest hits if it weren’t for the Cold War that followed, people  _ not _ dying in wars was  _ not _ a thing that War approved of. Humanity pointing their biggest guns at each other but not shooting them? Pathetic.

Since then, War decided to become a war correspondent creating smaller civil wars around the world wherever she goes - she’s actually quite successful. Perhaps War will start another World War but for now she’s pretty content causing smaller longer lasting damage. Afghanistan? Syria? You name a war and she’s at the heart of it.

One must save their energy for Armageddon.

——————————————————————————————-

The next horseperson we must address is famine. 

First comes the war then comes the famine. 

When all of your resources are poured into your soldiers to fight for your country, famine follows pretty soon after. 

_ “A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny, and see thou hurt not the oil nor the wine” _

Famine comes in the form of a tall handsome dark man with grey eyes and a wicked smile. He’s quite charismatic if you’re into the whole skeletal thing.

Famine unlike the others, is very self aware, he can be found all throughout history signing autographs and meeting people. He often finds great pleasure finding out the self induced suffering of his victims, which is rather cruel but he is a horsemen after all. 

Famine’s token is a set of scales measuring the dwindling resources of the world (not to be confused with the scales of justice held by the greek god Themis). No one really uses traditional scales anymore, everything is electronic nowadays but Famine loves the aesthetic.

He is much more subtle with his harbinger of all things cruel, especially in the past 100 years or so favouring a more mundane approach. Appearing as an extremely popular dieting guru (making starvation fashionable), or running a chain of minimalistic restaurants. 

The irony of the world’s richest 10% dining and still starving. Oh the human race were so very endearing to this particular horseman. 

Alongside his work with the upper class, Famine still works in enforcing literal famines in third world countries and mass producing weight loss meals an aids to the general public. His famine work in third world countries being his least favourite; only because it was too “on the nose”. Not because he cares.

At one point, Famine caused a decade long potato famine (with pestilence by his side) during the 1840s which caused up to millions of deaths - to his great delight. Famine particularly enjoys it when the victim’s suffering also came in other long term effects such as decline in fertility and whatnot. 

Famine only wants the best, after all overpopulation is a disease and famine is simply survival of the fittest.

——————————————————————————————-

The third horsemen we must address is Pollution who took over when Pestilence retired in the 1930s. This doesn’t mean that they’ve been idle, in fact their death toll is twice that of War or Famine.

Pollution also known as White/Chalky (and other synonyms for the purest colour on earth) presents themselves in the form of a tall ethereal being clad in all white that’s been sullied with black oil patterns. Pollution has long white hair and strikingly deadly white eyes to match. They’re handsome in a curiously unmemorable way which is how Pollution prefers it.

Pollution’s token is Pestilence’s old silver crown that would soon be tarnished by their touch.

You could argue that this particular horsemen has benefited the human race with advancements in technology which wouldn’t be possible without their intervention but these gifts come with a high price. 

Being involved in both Chernobyl and Three Mile Island, helping to design the petrol engine and various plastics are only a couple of things on Pollution’s resume. Pollution has the power to influence machines and disable failsafes making it easier to wreak havoc than snatching candy from a baby. 

Instead of being in the limelight like War and Famine, Pollution prefers being unobtrusive. Blame and suspicion rolls off them like oil off a dying duck’s back. They’re often found enthralled by the beauty of the product of their chaos. 

Pollution’s greatest invention? Plastic bags. Remaining in landfills for thousands of years. 

Diamonds are forever but Pollution comes pretty close.

———————————————————————————————

Our final horsemen is Death.

All things must come to an end and Death knows that best.

Death as the name suggests is exactly what you’d expect, he’s terrifying. No one really knows what Death looks like and those who have looked at Death in the face have never lived to tell the tale. Usually cloaked in long black robes, he seemingly glides as he travels (not that he often does that, Death prefers to appear in the place he needs to be), his hood covering his face. 

Some believe that Death doesn’t have a corporeal form and that he’s simply an illusion, although some claim that he’s a skeletal figure with wisps of dark smoke. Death doesn’t really care what people think, he’ll come to get them eventually. 

No one can escape Death.

Death has existed from the beginning of time, so naturally, he’s exhausted of causing antics unlike War or Famine. When he’s not reaping souls, he rather enjoys reading books. His favourite often containing incorrect representations of himself. It is a lesser known fact that The Book Thief was written by his very good friend Markus Zusak. Yes even Death has human friends, eternity is boring when you’re alone. In fact, Death has had many friends over the course of 6000 years on earth, although he’s had a couple of enemies. Some of those pesky writers were quite irritating.

Contrary to popular belief, Death doesn’t punish people even if they have gotten on his bones. He remains rather professional, only taunting the extremely annoying victims. 

Death also doesn’t have a token, instead he has a simple note.

_ Come and see. _

And that he will. 


End file.
